I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
