We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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