so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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