that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
