You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
