I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize