i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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