I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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