Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
