Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
