I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
