last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
