he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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