i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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