Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
