Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
