Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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