well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
