i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize