is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
