A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize