Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
