went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
