I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
