About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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