Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
