He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
