He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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