I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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