I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
