My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
