some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize