I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
