During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
