I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
