it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
sex in a hospital.. check
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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