I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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