Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
