You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
