if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
