i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
