i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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