dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
True strength comes from lack of pants
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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