So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
