Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
