Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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