i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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