I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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