Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
