sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You need a sexual gate keeper
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
