I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
