This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
