you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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