i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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