what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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