I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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