thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
