Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
