first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
are you so shy because you have an std?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
