a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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