New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
