Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
