I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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