plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
