I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
