I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
