I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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