i barfeds in our rink
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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