worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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